Dating...Online...

Ok, I have been waiting a long, long time to write this one.

Online Dating…

I am not a fan of those two words.

Lately I feel like everyone seems to be in a hurry to tell me to “try online dating”. If you know me I have never been one to show much of an interest in online dating. If not, you will soon see why. Recently, I gave in to testing it out for a little research and a little curiosity. Sixty dollars and two months was all I needed to confirm just exactly how right I was…online dating is NOT for me…at least not yet!

Dating is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be the most carefree time in the life of a relationship. You get to know someone over dinner or fun activities and you just gain a new friend. Typically the time you are giving up is enjoyable. When you meet someone at work, church or just randomly out somewhere, you typically get an idea of where he comes from and who he might be.

Online dating however requires tons of work and time…TONS.  To start you set up certain parameters or things that you are looking for. Then the websites are supposed to match you based on those specifics. When I say specific, I mean it. Then you have to start by just reading the different profiles of your “options”. This wouldn’t seem so difficult, but your list of “options” grows larger every day and suddenly the people the website is trying to set you up with are no longer within your parameters at all. This takes less then two weeks to happen…no exaggeration.

         Age range set to 26-32…here are some forty-year-old men you might like.

Distance of 100 miles…here are a few guys from Colorado, one from Alaska and like twenty from the Austin, TX area.

Now that you have over a hundred “options” you get to read profile, after profile, after profile. You get to start from scratch with every single guy you meet. You read and read and try to decipher between the truth and the lies. Oh and don’t forget you have to verify if they are within your age restrictions and live close enough to even meet. After a ten-hour workday, do I really want to spend hours of night on this app reading about guys…NO! I want to be working out, spending time with friends or watching ridiculous amounts of TV. I hate to say it but I am just not lonely enough to take away my time. Quite frankly, I am too busy enjoying the life I do have to care about all those profiles.  

Now let’s talk about how MEAN online dating made me. Generally, I like to think that I am a fairly nice person. If you haven’t made me extremely mad then chances are good I have never been mean to you…at least not on purpose. Yes, I have LOTS of sass, yes, I can be pretty aggressive, but I would never typically describe myself as mean. Let me tell you just how mean my mind went with every single profile I looked at online.

         Over 32…No Way!       Under 5’ 11”….Goodbye!        No Job…HA!      

No College…See Ya!              Weird Hair…Ehh No Thanks!

I barely read any of their profiles. There is no redemption for a guy in online dating. He gets on shot, usually reliant on his picture or career choice, and then he’s done. I get that this is how it works, but it just feels so mean! Outside of a website, with the right personality, I would be far less critical of what a guy looks like, his job or his height…(OK I might find height to be a little bit of a deal breaker, but I like to wear heels!) If I am going to insert myself into the online dating world you better believe I am going to be picky! Am I wrong to feel like that is my right? Possibly, but really if the algorithms that these websites claim to have, matches you based on your set parameters, then realistically, everyone should only be matched up with their “perfect” matches. Just my thoughts….as always!

Then you have the possibilities of meeting someone that you technically already know. What do you do in this situation?! There were a few times I was send a “Smile” from guys I had met sometime during college. I did not know these guys extremely well, but we were connects on social media and had several mutual friends. Two things happened when I opened up the app and saw that someone I knew had sent me a “smile”…I laughed and instantly texted one of my girl friends. What made these guys think that sending someone you technically already know a “smile” would be appealing? If any of these guys has chosen to send me a Facebook message or find someone who had my number and just call and ask me to dinner, they would have at least gained my respect for showing some bold effort. Instead they try to go through the twists and loops of a website, why? It’s not cute, its not sweet,  its just plain weird. You know what would be impressive? An out of the blue phone call or flowers sent asking me on a date. We are all grown up now…lets act like it! I know I have said this before, but let me throw it out there again, where have real men gone?

After two months of all this I was happy to suspend my accounts on both websites I was testing out. I never met any strangers in person but I did strike up a few conversations that never really impressed me. Recently I had a conversation with a stranger traveling and they asked if I was married, I said no and his response was “Oh, so you are happy!” At the time this made me giggle because it was so blunt, but the more I think about it, I am happy. I will continue to enjoy my twenties as a single woman and really I wouldn’t change a thing in the path my life has taken since college. One day I will meet a good man and get married but there is no point in not enjoying all the adventures that come with being single too.  My advice to any single people out there…love yourself and enjoy all that life has to offer, it will not do you any good to wait for your life to start, its already happening!

Half My Life

LaVerne Gale Smith was a beautiful woman. She was known for her cooking and from what I understand her strong opinions. She was one of eighteen children in her family and the mother of four, grandmother to six. LaVerne was a generous and loving person. I wish so much that I would have had more time with her.

On the way to work yesterday, my mom reminded me that today would be 13 years since my Grandma had passed away. As she said these words I quickly thought to myself “I was 13 when Grandma died, so Grandma has now officially been gone for half my life.” For half my life I have not had my Grandma. For half my life I have missed out on the hugs, the meals, the card games, all the things a grandma does for you, all the things MY Grandma would have done for and with me.

She was only 65 when she died and close to 60 when she started to show the real signs of dementia.  If she were still here today Grandma would be 78. Knowing that my dad turns 60 this year, all of those ages seem far too young for her to have experienced all that she did. 

As I sat and thought about it more through out the day I tried to think of all the things that I remembered about Grandma. I can remember the way she smelled. She wore the same perfume and I can still walk by the counter and smell it and think of her. I remember playing card games with Grandma. She loved rummy and we would sit at her kitchen table and play. I remember doing puzzles with her. I remember how she used to cut my grapes in half for me. I can remember walking to Grandma’s house on Christmas morning to open up presents (they only lived five houses down) or really any day. I can still remember hearing her say "Bill Smith" the way she did when she was getting on to Papa for something. I remember her singing "I Know the Lord Will Find a Way" to us whenever we spent the night. I thought of all the stories I have been told about her. I am often reminded that I am the only grandchild that Grandma ever had to spank, because I was so ornery. 

I thought back to the day Grandma passed away. It was early on a Sunday morning. I remember dad waking all of us up to tell us it had happened. We had known for a long time that it was coming. Grandma had dementia. For around five years we had watched her steadily get worse and forget more and more of who she was. We had watched as my mom selflessly did things that no child ever truly wants to do for their parent. That Sunday all of us kids went to church. I remember listening to songs that day that still bring tears to my eye. The next few days were filled with lots of family time during the visitation and the funeral.

When you are 13, I don't think you really know how to react to someone dying. I knew that I was sad but mostly I think I was afraid of not remembering Grandma before she was sick. I was very angry for a long time with God for taking away my Grandma so early. It was hard not to wonder how a loving God could do that to our family. Grandma never got to see me grow up. She was not there for pictures before high school dances, my high school or college graduation and someday if I get married she will miss my wedding day. My Grandma never got to see me become the woman I am. She is the only person in my family that I haven't gotten to shop for or with. I still wonder if I could have broken her away from elastic waist pants!  I wonder if she is to blame for Mom's recipes saying "to the right consistency". I still do not have answers but I have a peace of knowing that I will one day see my Grandma again, in Heaven. I wish that she could sit around the table with Mom, April, Pam, Glenda and myself at Thanksgiving as we prepare for Black Friday.

Thirteen years later and I still miss her so much!  

If I had a Super Power...

I’m Baaaacccckkkkkk…..!

I know I said I would be better at this, I know I promised I wouldn’t be gone so long between posts. I’m sorry. As it turns out I only get the desire to write when I get fired up about something. Whether it is something positive or negative it causes me to share. Problem is sometimes those thoughts are a little too heated to share with the entire world, so then I start writing and never post it. 

Over the past few months I have been busy! Not the pull your hair out, cry from stress, no time to breathe busy but the good kind of busy. Busy having fun and enjoying life with good friends again. 

Part of my busy schedule this spring was Tuesday night Bible Study. We separated from the guys in our class to do a women's study on the Fruit of the Spirit by Beth Moore. Now let me start by telling you if you had asked me in January if I was excited for Bible Study I would have had something negative to say.  I had previously heard recordings of Beth Moore and thought they were boring and didn't like when she yelled. I signed up to host week 2 so that if I hated it, I could stop going. I actually planned to dislike something I had never experienced before! Imagine my surprise when halfway through I was angry I had to miss a week for my vacation.

The Bible Study was great; Beth Moore is hilarious, especially in 90’s hair and clothing! My favorite part however was how much I learned from each of the girls after the Bible Study. We would discuss what Beth had shared with us and it took a week or two to get warmed up, but it really was amazing. We all shared things, things I wouldn’t normally talk about, things others probably wouldn’t throw in a conversation, we built relationships. And then we prayed, we prayed for each other, with each other, and we grew together. It may not seem like much but it has allowed me to have conversations I may have never had. It allows you to gain a piece of each person, a piece that takes intimacy to build. I have more respect for these women, I have more of an understanding of why they are the way they are and it has totally changed how I view them and talk to them.

Imagine what life would be like if you had that kind of intimacy with every person you knew. If you knew what was on their hearts and were able to care and show them love every time you spoke to them. I imagine that we would show everyone more grace, we would be more humble, and we would simply give people a break. I think about the people I work with, how the conversations I hold are somewhat superficial and sarcastic, would that change? How much less frustrated would I get with everyone I interact with if I knew their hearts and was able to understand why they acted the way they did? How would people see me differently if they knew what was on my heart?

 If I had a super power I would want it to be the ability to see people’s hearts. How wonderful would that be? I would be able to know exactly what each person was going through and would probably be more gracious in how I spoke to them. I would be able to hug anyone who might need a hug. Wouldn't that just be wonderful? It would be, but it would just make things way too easy and nothing in life is that easy. 

Really the key is building relationships. I have heard my dad talk about it for years, but I truly never knew how important it was, I never saw the power it could have, until this year. Relationships and attitude were Dad's two favorite topics, ask anyone who went through the youth group at Echo Meadows with him. Building relationships allows you to have real conversations, be a real friend, it means striving to be more like Christ. I am thankful to have seen the changes in our class that was brought on from our Bible Study. I am thankful to know these women on a deeper level. I feel as though it has changed my heart and my daily mood, I miss our Tuesday nights together! 

I hope to be more then just an acquaintance to the people I see everyday. I hope that I can be more graceful in how I deal with each and every one of them. I hope one day I get my super power...but until then...

Keep smiling:) 

Alli 

A Clear Reflection

As most people do, I have been doing some reflection as we enter into the New Year. I have reflected not only on 2013 but the last few years. I do not see 2012 as a great year in my life. I started the year by getting out of a relationship I never should have been in, starting a job that took over every aspect of my life and pretty much exiled myself from all but a handful of people I chose to still be my friends. I pretty much no longer liked the person I was and wanted to make some big changes, I however had a lot of healing and self-discovery to find along the way. I do not say this to make you feel sorry for me, in fact no one should feel sorry for me. You should actually be saying (or thinking) “You got what you deserved” or “It’s about time you realized it” or “Thank goodness!” In my opinion 2012 was time for a change, I didn’t realize however that it would take the whole year to get back to the person I used to be. It was a spiritual battle and a personal victory to finally feel like dancing around my apartment again sometime in November. It was probably something I could have used more help with but I was determined to conquer it all on my own, with a few long cries to certain people. In the end I came into 2013 with a whole new perspective…ME!

I decided it was now time to have a life again, that had to start with finding a new job. I started putting feelers out and within three months I got a new job at Devon Energy.

The Devon Tower in OKC

With that life I wanted so badly I also decided it was time for me to be a little selfish. I was going to do anything and everything that I wanted to, I was going to make decisions without planning every aspect first and I was going to just have fun. It may not have been the most responsible way to go but let me tell you, it was fun! This year I did not worry too much about saving my money, or buying a house, or getting married, or making other people happy, I worried about me!

In May I was able to spend a weekend in Dallas with one of my best friends from high school, Jessica! We shopped, ate and got to see Wicked!

Shopping in Dallas!

Jessica and I before Wicked!


In July we had our family vacation and Billy and I were able to stop and see a Braves game in Atlanta and visit the Coke Factory.

Before the game!

Turner Field

Family Photo thanks to Camera Timer

Billy, Me, Brookylnn, April & Micah

She loves her Papa!


In August Bill & I met Mom and Dad in Nashville for Labor Day weekend so I could go to the Opry for the first time ever.

Mom & Dad inside the Opry Hotel 

Mom, Dad & I

Front Row our first night at the Opry! 

In September I took a trip home just because and got to go to Cedar Point for the first time in two years with April and Micah.

 Ready to ride some Roller Coasters!

We have fun!


In October I took a trip to Pennsylvania to see Eric and go to New York City where I could also see Mike!

He walked into every store I wanted without complaining, it was so much fun! 

It was so nice to see Mike again, and have a tour guide!

 Outside the restaurant we ate at!

In the theatre for Phantom of the Opera! 

Of course there were other fun things throughout this last year like…

Seeing Wicked again with Mom!

 Ready to go the OK State Fair

Rodeo and Eli Young Band Concert

 Lumineers Concert

White Christmas with Mom

This last year really was a wonderful one. It felt so good to really smile and laugh and feel like the girl I liked again. Any challenges I have ever faced have only made me stronger and for that I am thankful. I am thankful to have realized I had changed and to be able to fix changes I did not appreciate. As I go into 2014 and turning 25 I can only hope and plan to continue with what I started last year. It is very important to be selfish at times but I also intend to work on my selflessness as well. I intend to do more for others without being a doormat in the process. I do not believe in setting new years resolutions, I simply believe if you want to make a change it doesn't matter when you start, it matters that you accomplish your goals with time. This year I intend to make a few dreams come true but if it takes longer then so be it. As long as I am serving God, having fun and being me this year will be wonderful! 

Keep Smiling:) 
Alli